More Rudy In Drag

At first, I thought I had really put the fear of God into Rudy Giuliani. Since my post, he had not supported a single other New England sports franchise. For my part, I had spoken to no Iowans or New Hampshireans (Hampshireites? Hampshirettes?) in regards to Rudy's well known liberal past.

I did, however, want to show Rudy that I had couple more arrows in the old quiver. So I wanted to take the chance to point out that, according to Wikipedia, Giuliani ran for mayor in '89, '93 and, '97, as a Republican/Liberal Party candidate. Three times, he was unable to garner support from the Conservative Party. That might not mean anything, but remember this is New York we're talking about here. Through midwestern eyes, this city is Gomorrah to LA's Sodom. It shouldn't be that hard to look conservative by comparison.

So I was feeling pretty pleased with myself, plus I had some more cards to play if necessary. Then I read about how he would have been offed in 1986, if only one more crime family had had the cannolis to pull the trigger. 3-2! That's an awfully slim margin by which to avoid assassination. If it was me, I'd like to see the vote fall more in the 4-1 or 5-0 region.

So that was it. The reason why Rudy had been laying low was that he had been taking the time to come to grips with his brush with death. The news deflated me. All that hard work, only to be trumped by organized crime. The same thing happened with my business plans for a friendly protection racket in 1975 and an "everybody wins!" numbers game in '77.

Pretty quickly, though, I realized that death threats are political gold to a former prosecutor. They are something better than gold when they come from the heads of the freaking mafia. Sure, they voted against the hit, but it was pretty close.

I, on the other hand, threatened Rudy's political life, which is the only thing a politician holds more dearly than his actual life. "What about the lives of his children," you might ask. Those only count when the kids are young and cute and can lure in unsuspecting voters. Rudy's kids hate him. They're political liabilities.

In the end, I will take credit for setting Rudy straight after all. But just to be sure, I'm going to need a show of good faith.

Rudy. The line is Pats -16. I expect you to put a few grand on the Redskins to cover. If not, there's this:

Jesus Christ, man! Was there a single day during your two terms that you did not dress as a woman?